If You Give a Ruby A Beer
by onewritereightnames
Summary: You give Ruby a few beers one night. It's cute and short. That's it. T for cussing and alcohol.


"… I would show. A special love I have for you. My baby blue."

"WOAH. DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN? ANON DID YOU SEE THAT?" Ruby asks you excitedly.

"Hell yeah I did, what an amazing finale. Can't believe it's actually over. I'm happy but a little sad too. Does that make sense?" you reply.

"Haha yeah, I understand what you mean. This has been so awesome, watching this series with you. And thanks for the… you know," Ruby says, holding up her beer.

You shrug and smile. Normally you wouldn't have given her one but what with the finale and everything you figured you'd let her get away with it for once.

"This is pretty yummy, what'd you say it was called again?"

"It's Apple Ale. The name is right on the label."

"Oh, *hiccup*. It tastes like apple and fizzes on my tongue. Yummy," she says and finishes off the little bit left in her bottle.

"So what do you wanna do now Ruby? Our Sunday nights are now free again."

"Hmmm. Hey, remember that song you showed me a few days ago? Can we… can we have a little dance party to that?" Ruby questions, her grey eyes gleaming.

"Oh come one Ruby, you know I don't dance."

"Pleeeaaasseee?" she says. Then she hiccups again.

Shit. How do you refuse such an adorable display?

"Fine. But I need one more beer before I dance," you say. You go to the fridge and fetch another beer. A finger taps your shoulder.

"Hey… could I have one too?"

"Uh. I'm not sure if that's such a good idea Ruby, you've already had two."

"I promise I'll be fine. And there's only one left anyways, we may as well finish them tonight right?" Ruby gives you her widest smile.

Sigh. "Alright, fine. But you better be fine after this or I'm never giving you a beer again."

"Thank youuuuu," she says and hugs your arm.

You pop the caps off of the two beers and hand her hers. She drains it in as few gulps as possible.

"Ruby, what was that!? You can't just drink the whole thing like that!"

"I thought you were gonna change your mind so I figured I'd just be faster than you. Like usual," she grins.

Oh boy, this is gonna get interesting. You gulp down your own beer and allow Ruby to lead you over to the living room and the speakers. You find the song she wants you to play on your phone and connect the aux wire to the speakers. You hit play.

watch?v=gj0Rz-uP4Mk

At first you just watch as she begins dancing alone but then she grabs your hands and pulls you into dancing with her. Maybe it's the beer or maybe it's Ruby's influence but soon you're dancing and sliding around the floor with a huge smile on your face.

The two of you dance through the song four times on repeat before you fall back onto the couch for a rest. Ruby jumps onto the couch next to you and puts her head on your shoulder.

Your phone dings with a notification and you check to see if its anything important. Its not. You look back at Ruby.

Asleep. Out like a light. She even hiccups every couple minutes between her soft snores.

She's fallen asleep on your couch before, but it was typically easy to get her back on her feet at least until she was back in her room. You're pretty sure things will be different this time but you try waking her anyways. Nothing.

Ah shit. Well, this is what you get for giving her that last beer.

You pull her onto your back piggy-back style and step out of your door. Ruby's room is a few buildings away. It's going to be a long trip, especially so because you're buzzed yourself, but you know it's the right thing to do. You start on your odyssey in the cool night.

You make it about half way until you need to take a rest on a is heavier than you would have thought. You figure it has something to do with the fact that she's basically all muscle and muscle is denser than fat and blah blah blah.

You take a breather and enjoy the fall breeze when Ruby stirs a little.

"Dancing time?" she asks slowly.

"No Ruby, no more dancing. You need to sleep. Think we can walk to your room from here?"

"Please Anon, 's so fun to dance, can we please dance more?" she says and throws her arms around your neck as if you were about to slow dance.

You try to push her off as gently but firmly as you can but she refuses to budge and only hugs you tighter.

"Greetings, stranger. Why are you hands on my friend?"

You look up to see a girl with orange hair striding towards you. You don't remember ever seeing her before but she looks like she means business.

"Again. Why are your hands on my friend?"

You remove your hands from Ruby's sides and wonder who this friend could be.

"Uh… well, Ruby here has had a few too many to drink and I'm trying to get her back to her room for the night. Who are you again?"

"What does this mean, 'too many to drink'?"

What the hell?

"You know, alcohol," you reply, very puzzled.

She steps forward and something pricks your finger. "Ah, shit!" you say. She reaches over to Ruby and your drunk friend emits an, "Oww."

"Hey what are you-?"

"Both of you have a Blood Alcohol Level of the "Intoxicated" level. Who gave the alcohol to my compatriot?"

Compatriot? "Uh… me."

The new girls eyes narrow. You hear the sound of a blade being drawn. Now you're just terrified.

Then Ruby stands up and embraces the girl. "Penny! You should meet *burp*, he's nice and stuff."

A few minutes later you are in Ruby's room. After Ruby woke up for a moment Penny stopped questioning you so harshly and began to carry Ruby on her own back. You offered to take her yourself but Penny refused. She must be strong because she seemed to lift Ruby without any visible sign of effort, despite being around the same size as Ruby herself.

You took Ruby's key out of her pocket and opened the room to find it mercifully empty. Explaining the odd situation you were in was something you weren't eager to do. Penny laid Ruby down on one of the bed's and you want to point out to her that it's Weiss' bed, but frankly you're still a little scared of Penny.

After laying Ruby down Penny just looks at her and doesn't even touch the sheets.

"Are you going to put the sheets on for her?" you ask.

"I am… unfamiliar with that process. Please show me."

Okay this girl is pretty weird but at least she didn't try to kill you.

You tuck Ruby in under the sheets and decide it's time to go.

"Hey!" Ruby says, suddenly.

"Yes Ruby?"

"Hug," she says and stretches her arms out.

You hug her and she sighs contently before returning to her slumber.

"I shall remain here and make sure Ruby suffers no ill side effects of her alcohol consumption. Enjoy the journey home!" Penny states.

"Okaaay, thanks then."

As you make your way home you think of that old children's book. Never Give A Mouse A Cookie.

"Never give a Ruby a beer," you say aloud.

You chuckle and walk home for a well deserved rest after an eventful night.

END.

**AN: Hope you enjoyed, critiques always welcome.**


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